221B Ficlet: Balderdash and Codswallop
Apr. 15th, 2014 05:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mithenTitle: Balderdash and Codswallop
Characters: Sherlock Holmes, John Watson
Fandom: BBC Sherlock
Warnings/Spoilers: None
Rating: G
Word Count: 221
Summary: As it turns out, Sherlock has never deleted a word to insult bad ideas--they're far too useful.
"Balderdash," says Sherlock Holmes, glaring at an innocuous piece of paper. "Poppycock, codswallop, fiddle-faddle, folderol!"
"I--what?" John looks up from his tea, blinking.
"Report by Anderson," snarls Sherlock. "Unadulterated taradiddle. Tripe. Tommyrot. The purest piffle, twaddle, blither and drivel." He throws the paper down and begins to pace the room as if its mere presence agitates him. "Claptrap and tosh."
"You--" John takes a moment. "You memorized all the English synonyms for 'nonsense'?" he asks after a contemplative pause.
"I'm not going to delete those," Sherlock snorts. "Those are useful. Horsefeathers," he adds under his breath, with a baleful glare at the offending report.
"Well, that's a good use of your mental space."
"I'm glad you agree," Sherlock says cheerfully.
At the end of another circuit of the room, he appears to be galled past bearing once more, and he pounces in a transcendent rage.
"Kletskoek," he announces. "Fadaises, Mumpitz, Schnickschnack!"
"That is definitely not English anymore," notes John as Sherlock continues with all the righteous fury of a paladin smiting an unbeliever, rattling off the beautiful, contemptuous words the human race has invented for unbearable stupidity:
"Billevesées, geleuter, Firlefanz, Kokolores!"
He rolls them in his mouth, relishing them, caustic and delicious, and John shakes his head in wonder at his multilingual avenging angel.
"Flauwekul, Pipifax, Quatsch, Schwachfug, Larifari, Bockmist!"
Characters: Sherlock Holmes, John Watson
Fandom: BBC Sherlock
Warnings/Spoilers: None
Rating: G
Word Count: 221
Summary: As it turns out, Sherlock has never deleted a word to insult bad ideas--they're far too useful.
"Balderdash," says Sherlock Holmes, glaring at an innocuous piece of paper. "Poppycock, codswallop, fiddle-faddle, folderol!"
"I--what?" John looks up from his tea, blinking.
"Report by Anderson," snarls Sherlock. "Unadulterated taradiddle. Tripe. Tommyrot. The purest piffle, twaddle, blither and drivel." He throws the paper down and begins to pace the room as if its mere presence agitates him. "Claptrap and tosh."
"You--" John takes a moment. "You memorized all the English synonyms for 'nonsense'?" he asks after a contemplative pause.
"I'm not going to delete those," Sherlock snorts. "Those are useful. Horsefeathers," he adds under his breath, with a baleful glare at the offending report.
"Well, that's a good use of your mental space."
"I'm glad you agree," Sherlock says cheerfully.
At the end of another circuit of the room, he appears to be galled past bearing once more, and he pounces in a transcendent rage.
"Kletskoek," he announces. "Fadaises, Mumpitz, Schnickschnack!"
"That is definitely not English anymore," notes John as Sherlock continues with all the righteous fury of a paladin smiting an unbeliever, rattling off the beautiful, contemptuous words the human race has invented for unbearable stupidity:
"Billevesées, geleuter, Firlefanz, Kokolores!"
He rolls them in his mouth, relishing them, caustic and delicious, and John shakes his head in wonder at his multilingual avenging angel.
"Flauwekul, Pipifax, Quatsch, Schwachfug, Larifari, Bockmist!"
(no subject)
Date: 2014-04-18 02:17 am (UTC)I collected a few Chinese insults as well, but they didn't seem to roll of the tongue as nicely! So many fewer glottals...
I really have to read more Wooster and Jeeves! I read a bit in college and haven't gone back, and that should be fixed... :)
(no subject)
Date: 2014-04-22 08:43 pm (UTC)